having a low point

Depression is so frakking unpredictable. I made it through the holidays without succumbing to the usual doldrums too much. Now, I am having a bad week. No reason for the bad week, just feeling blue and low and whiny.

I talked to a therapist on Friday about my middle son. Last year, after having such a horrible time at public school, we moved him to the local private school. Things were SO MUCH better there! As a lovely “fuck you” they went out of business over the summer. So this year, my troubled one is back in the public system and at the middle school. Middle school is hard for everyone. I know this. But, he is small. He is defensive. He is aggressive. He is immature. These things are adding up to a terrible year. He has been in three fights so far. I had to tell this stranger, this woman who will sit in judgement over us, how I have failed to teach my son how to behave like a boy almost 12 years old. I told her how he growls and how he refuses to obey. How he still bites his sister once in a while. I had to talk about the screaming and the tantrums and the bed-wetting. It was awful. Today, at 5:15, he has his own appointment to talk to her. I told him I was taking him to a counsellor whom he could talk to about his anger and school troubles. He said he didn’t need a person to talk to because he talks to Baby Great White. His favorite stuffed animal. See how young he still is??!!!

On Friday, I went to the local yarn store to hang out with my sister. There was some kind of knitting circle party thing going on from 6pm to midnight. We got there a bit after 8. I learned to crochet a bit. I mean, I knew how to make a chain. *eyeroll* My Granny tried to teach me to crochet when I was young and way too busy reading to bother with a handcraft. My sister’s friend showed me how to turn back on your chain and make it a second row that is attached. So, I bought a skein of yarn and crocheted myself a scarf over the weekend. The yarn is beautiful. The scarf, only a mother could love. But it was fun, so I started another one. My sister gave me a skein of yarn that she had that is an atrocious color, maybe a burnt orange or something. I crocheted a chain and then connected the start of it back to the part where I was adding loops and made a circle. Now I am using the same technique from the other scarf, adding a row on top of a chain, and I am making a round scarf. The circular kind that is a bit like a sleeve for your neck. My daughter had me buy her a skein of bright red yarn. I forgot to mention I took her with me to the store party thingy, didn’t I?  Anyway, she wants me to make her a scarf , too. Just a regular long narrow strip. I learned from doing mine, that you should COUNT your stitches! no one bothered to tell me. My scarf is several different widths. I will count for my daughter and hers will be an even width all along.

I don’t feel like doing anything at all. I just want to nap. I haven’t been writing down all of my foods properly for my weight watcher thing. I haven’t bothered to exercise at all this week. I’ll do better. But I am not doing better yet. I don’t think I have co-op tomorrow, so I need to really make myself get some exercise in. There just isn’t any way around it. If I want to lose the weight, I have to get off my ass and move.

I’m making a bbq flavored pork roast for dinner. We’ll probably have potatoes and broccoli with it. I might also make some spinach. The kids won’t eat it, but hubby and I love it. Some salad would be nice too. Lettuce, carrot, cucumber, and maybe some bacon bits and cheese for those of us not trying to slim down.

Oh! i did sign up for one college class this semester. A while back, I signed up to take History of the World Since 1945. But I had to drop it due to family illness. So, I am taking it again. It is a Friday only class from 11am to 1:45pm. A long class, but only one day. I go to weight watchers on Friday at 8am already, so I am never falling back asleep on Fridays.

Mondays and Wednesdays are still subject to spontaneous napping. I actually napped today. After the kids were off on the buses, I laid down beside hubby and slept until after he finally left for work. I do NOT want to be sleeping during the day. But, last night we watched movies until way too late. I am going to have to refuse to play after midnight from now on. I live in a world where folks have to be doing their stuff during the day time, so I need to be awake for that time. I can’t get much real-world stuff accomplished between midnight and 3am, so there is no reason for me to be awake then.

I haven’t finished Spartacus. That book is dull. I think the story itself will be interesting, but the wordage is not very involving and so far, the story is AFTER the whole Spartacus deal and I want it to get to the flashback portion already. I’ll keep you posted about it.