My depression has been really bad for a while, as you all know. I went twice in October to see a therapist. I know I need to probably go more, but just two visits was enough to allow me to get some perspective. THANK YOU everyone who encouraged me to go!
Since I know I am depressed, I am trying to learn to put less pressure on myself. When I feel that I have a lot to accomplish, I get even more discouraged. I get overwhelmed and can’t even begin let alone finish anything. As an example, cooking dinner, I feel like if I don’t cook dinner every night, then I am a bad parent. But I am learning to think about it differently. If I don’t cook every night, I am still a good parent as long as I do something to provide dinner for my family. So, I am trying to think of it as I prefer to cook every night, but if I don’t, then I will just try harder tomorrow night.
Another thing is constantly feeling like my life and everything in it is out of my control. So I am attempting to exert control over one area that has no way of rebelling and screwing up my plans or equilibrium. I am currently reorganizing and weeding out the library. I have taken 5 boxes of books to the used bookstore. I have re-alphabetized A-G and am partway through doing H. I still have a good 4000 or so books, but I am going to keep sorting and weeding out until everything fits on the shelves I have. I do not have more space for shelves, so I have to decide which books to keep and which I can pass along. It is really helping me to be able to focus on this and do it and control it.
Anyway. I know I kind of left everything hanging last time, so this is my follow-up to say that I am feeling better. not wonderful or perfect or anything, but definitely better.