I am a stay-at-home-mom
I am a wife
I am a daughter
I am a woman
I am a college student
My life is filled with my husband and my children. Unlike a lot of mothers, I have little life outside my family. I haven’t decided if that is bad or not. I love my family. I have three beautiful kids. A 15 year old son who makes me feel every inch of my age some days. A 9 year old son whose goal in life is to challenge everything I say. A sweet 7 year old girl who refuses to be the girly girl I thought I always wanted. My husband is the best husband in the world.
I suffer from depression. I am taking my third different prescription for it. I started this drug the spring of 2005. It was not a good beginning. The drug was not nearly as effective then as the one I had to go off of. The first time I went on meds for depression was in the fall of 1998. I have been on them ever since. I guess I always will be. Sometimes it is more than I can bear. Other times, it is just difficult.
I used to keep a livejournal. I joined it because I was interested in fanfiction. I read a LOT of fanfiction for a while. I even, embarrassingly, wrote a little bit. Very little, I swear. I am crossposting this blog to my old LJ. I had abandoned it for a while. I have actually abandoned it several times through the years. I have no interest in fanfiction anymore and almost every person on my friends list there still writes fanfiction. Some personal stuff is posted there. But it is friends-locked. If you have a livejournal and are interested, comment here or at livejournal and let me know. I am http://sevedra.livejournal.com/
I am a survivor of child-abuse. Some of that will come through in the entries here. No one ever broke my arm or burned me with a cigarette or locked me in a basement or starved me. I am not asking for sympathy. I know how much worse things could have been. I also know how bad they were, for me, in my mind and in my emotions. I will blog about it here some because there are things I am still working out. Also, I was “loose”. I didn’t have actual sex with everyone, but I started heavy petting very young and continued it for a long time. I had warped ideas about affection and it took me along time to work through those. I will talk about that here, too.
Is my blog worth reading? Probably not. I am not claiming to be funny or clever or interesting. This blog is mostly for me. I never learned to keep a diary or a journal. I feel the need to do it though. I prefer the organization of doing it in a blog than doing it on paper. Why is it done publicly? I don’t know. Because someday, someone may feel the same way I did, or the same way I do. Because if they read this, they may feel better. They may learn there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is NOT the oncoming train. My blog is public because some other women made their blogs public and I read things there that I thought were problems only I had. I am glad to know I am not alone. I would like to hope that someone else may find that same feeling if they stumble on this blog.