My senior year in high school was especially difficult.
My mother had remarried and that wasn’t going well for anyone involved. This step-parent had invaded our lives and thought he had authority over me by virtue of sleeping withmy mother. I was 18 years old and in no need of yet another parent. Especially a man withno children of his own and no parenting experience at all. He was a complete non-entity as far as I was concerned. I could not fathom why he thought he had anything at all to do with my life. He forced a church outing three times a week. He passed judgement on me as though he were a superior moral figure. He tried to establish new rules and regulations for my behavior. He was totally self-absorbed and acted as though he were the smartest and most advanced person around. He was an overbearing pompous ass.
My mother herself had switched to working in an office situation and didn’t work at night anymore. This meant a tremendous amount more parental interference in my life than before. I was used to being my own person and making my own decisions. Now that I was practically grown, my mother suddenly started trying to boss me around and tell me where i could go and when and when I had to be home. It was insane. I couldn’t adjust.
Since it was my last year of high school, I was in a bind to graduate. I had failed a lot of classes and was down to the wire as far as credit hours went. Every class i took my senior year, I had to pass. Some of them were pretty tough for me. I wasn’t in advanced classes or anything, but I had not established a good foundation of knowledge to see me through as the classes got harder. If you can’t muster the intellect to get through 10th grade math, then 11th grade math is going to be that much harder. The same held true for second year Spanish and second year biology.
I had a steady boyfriend whom I adored. But we fought all the freaking time. We bth had fairly crappy home lives and neither of us was at all equiped with the emotional or mental acuity to deal with a relationship. Plus, with my low weight, I kept missing periods. Even though I was on birth control, I was taking a pregnancy test every few months anyway. Just to be sure and it was stressful.
The stress took a harsh toll on my health. i slid into a depression. I stopped wanting to bathe. i started sleeping way too much. I stopped going out. My hair started falling out. I lost even more weight. I had always suffered from occasional migraines, but now they increased to near daily. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t do anything. This went on for a few months and finally, my mother noticed. She started nagging me, which wasn’t helpful. But eventually, in the spring, she realized I wasn’t getting better. She took me to the doctor who diagnosed me as “suffering from fatigue”. This wasn’t especially helpful either. I broke up withmy boyfriend, which actually alleviated some of my stress. I talked with a few teachers about extra credit and what I could do to ensure graduation. And I made plans for a vacation.
On graduation night, I attended my graduation and walked across the stage and shook the Principal’s hand. Everyone else I knew left there and went to a party. Even my family went out to eat to celebrate. I went home and went to bed. Alone. A couple of days later, I travelled to Pennsylvania to visit my mother’s youngest sister. I planned to be there a week, just to get away. I ended up staying an entire month. I needed the time away. There was no pressure there.
By the time I came home, I was healthy again. A couple months later, I moved to my father’s and started over. A clean slate. I only saw one person from high school ever again. I kept the one male friend I had the longest and I cut off the entire rest of my life from before. My senior year was the last time I made the effort to really have friends. I realized that I wasn’t any good at keeping them. So, I just stopped doing it.