Wow. Been a while. Sorry
So, I was getting antsy living with my father and step-mother. I never could learn to get along with the step-mother and the little sister was annoying as hell. She was absolutely spoiled rotten. I turned 21 and decided to look for my own place. I found an apartment not far from where the guy I was dating from work lived. He was a much older guy and probably thought me moving close to him was a bit stalkerish, but I didn’t know anything about places to live and finding a place near his was just a matter of being in that area already and it was easy to look around.
On the first of June, I moved into a one bedroom apartment with a small galley style kitchen and a bath. The whole apartment was really just two rooms. The kitchen and bath were hardly bigger than closets. I got some free furniture from some family friends. I got an old stereo from my mother. I traded my water-bed for a regular queen size bed from a guy that worked in the warehouse at the same company I answered phones for. I was very very happy.
Then, I peed on that stick and my life kind of spiralled for a while.
By fall, I was starting to feel a bit lonely. I was home alone a lot and it was a depressing. I have a cousin who is 2 years younger than me. She was 19 and had graduated high school and had a job. She was also looking to get out from under parents. So, she moved in with me in October. For a while, this was a great situation. We laughed and played so much. Although we were working adults and had responsibilities, we were really just children at heart. We played with each others hair and practised making each others faces up. We went out to diners and drank lots of coffee. We played music too loudly and struggled to write out all the lyrics to songs we loved on the radio.
In November, my cousin said she had a friend who needed a place to stay. He had graduated with her and his family had moved to a podunk town south of Atlanta where he couldn’t find a job. And his step-father hated him and hit him and he needed to get out and find a different place for himself. So, I drove over to the bus station in downtown and picked up her friend. He came with two duffel bags and nothing else. I felt bad for him. He settled in pretty quickly. My cousin and I slept together in my bed and he slept on the couch. He went out right away and found a job working at a convenience store. It wasn’t much, but it was steady and he could walk there from the apartment since he didn’t have a car.
He told me a lot about his home life. How much he’d been hit. How he had turned to drugs for a while in high school to help him cope. He seemed damaged and needy. I was already co-dependant as hell. It was a match made in some psychiatrist’s wet dream. By December, my cousin was sleeping on the couch and the boy was sleeping in my bed. he loved me and he had problems and baggage of his own. It was exactly what worked for me at that stage in my life.
A guy I had dated over the summer started coming around to hang out. He hooked up with my cousin and she became so besotted with him that she stopped going to work. She’d leave in the morning and go to his house and they’d spend all day in bed and then shed come home again. I was too stupid to know what was going on. I was wrapped up with my new boy and I was still working. Eventually, she didn’t have enough money to pay her share of the bills and it came out that she had been fired. All kinds of hell broke loose. She and I had a big huge fight and things did not go well. There was hair pulling and screaming and scratching and I hit her in the head with the telephone. Her parents came and packed up her stuff and she was gone.
The boy and I had a huge fight before summer started. We had talked about getting married. I was upset that he wouldn’t get a better job. He was upset that I was a crazy bitch. I am sure there was more to it, but I can’t really remember what all else we fought about. The upshot was that he and my cousin and her boyfriend all moved into a two bedroom apartment together in my same complex.
I was desperately lonely now. And I got fired from my job. I had been sick a lot over the couple of months between my cousin moving out and my boyfriend moving out. They decided they could replace me with someone who was present more often. I ended up working at a Hallmark store at the mall. The money was the same, but the hours sucked. When you work in the mall, they give you a different schedule every week. The lack of continuity added to the depression I was already having. I was desperate for companionship. I got back together with the boyfriend. at the end of the summer.
In September, we went ahead and got married. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought it was a good emotional relationship and that marriage was the natural progression. In late November, I found out that most of everything he had ever said to me was not true. he had never been abused as a child. He had never had a drug problem. He had never been in therapy for issues to do with his parents. He had even lied about when he was born. It was a startling revelation. I was in shock. I had to get away.
My father had taken a transfer from Atlanta to Louisiana. He was leaving his 3 bedroom ranch empty. My husband and I had planned to move into it. I moved in alone over Thanksgiving week. That same weekend, I went on a bit of a bender and hooked up with a Georgia Tech architecture student. My choices are not always the best.