I haven’t been doing much of anything lately. One thing I have done pretty often is head over to my sister’s place. She is doing a little better with the postpartum depression, but hasn’t yet gotten herself on meds for it. She is working up to it I guess. But I help her with the baby when I am there. I guess I have been there two or three days a week. The baby is getting so big! She is 9 weeks old right now and weighs between 12 and 13 pounds. She is adorable! And so pretty. She has lovely skin and big dark eyes and a little bow shaped mouth. *sigh* I just love holding her and snuggling her and cooing with her.
She always smells nice, too. She is a breast milk baby and they just smell better. Formula has a distinct odor to it that I find less pleasant. She has a wonderful milky sweet scent to her right in the folds of her neck. I guess it sounds gross, but I think it is where milk dribbles down and mixes with her own baby smell and neck sweat. God, I am a weirdo! She is big enough now to hold her head up almost all the time. She has more control of her little arms and doesn’t swat herself in the face accidently as much anymore. She likes to kick her feet.
I am a very mothery kind of person. I didn’t really expect to be this way. I have three kids of my own. I have a very insistent biological clock that tells me all the time that I need more babies. I have been a stay-at-home mom for 16 years now. I feel better and more well-adjusted being a full-time parent than I would or did in a regular job. I am not sure I could do a regular job. I am not the best mother, and I am a fairly terrible housekeeper, but I like being at home and doing the housework and being the mom. It feels like that is the job I was meant to do. Not very feminist of me, I know. but I think the real point of feminism is that a woman should be able to choose to do what she wants to do and be the best at what she chooses and be comparably compensated for that. i may not be properly compensated, it is hard to put a price on this sort of job, but I feel like it is the right job for me.
SO, since I am not having any more babies of my own, I am babying my sister and her new baby. And I enjoy that. I like changing the diapers and burping the baby. I like rocking her and petting her. I love talking to her and playing with her. And I want to soothe her when she cries, it is like a tugging from my insides, like a driving urge or a yearning to hold her and coo and pet and jiggle and stop her tears and make her happy again.
I know I complain about my parenting responsibilities. I whine about the kids and how annoying they can be. They don’t mind. They don’t help clean. They fight constantly. They also play together beautifully sometimes. They snuggle with me. They read. They feel secure in themselves and their place in the family and in the world. I love them. I love being their mom. I wouldn’t want to do anything else.