Last night, I took the Tylenol PM at 10 and went to bed at 11:30. I slept the night through. I got up this morning, got the kids to school and stayed awake and went to class!
After I blogged yesterday, I even managed to get my ass in gear enough to run 3 errands I needed to do. The post office, the bank, and the grocery store.
When I came home from class today, I took a 2 hour nap. *shrug* I was tired, what can I say?
I know it isn’t much. I know going to bed and going to sleep and going to class are things that everyone in the world can do without effort. But they are hard for me. And even doing them all in one day this week feels like a huge deal. This whole being depressed thing is ridiculous. It makes so many simple things into enormous issues. It makes me feel like such a failure for not being able to do what I see other people do effortlessly. Each event that I struggle with, or fail to accomplish, or only do a half-ass job on, makes me more depressed. Every thing just piles on and makes the smothering oppression deeper and heavier. And the more that is, the harder it becomes for me to do the next thing. I have to slowly succeed, at one tiny thing at the time, to peel back the layers of depression blanket one piece at the time until the weight is lessened and I can breathe and I can think without wanting to cry.
Ug. Shit is so hard to describe.
love you all