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I have a friend who has made a huge life change recently. He has left his job in the IT industry and left his family behind for 18 months to teach English as a Second Language in Afghanistan.

 

He has decided to keep a blog of his experiences and he’s already made a few posts and put up some pictures. I am sure he would love it if some people dropped by and read what he’d written and maybe left him some words of encouragement and/or praise for the sacrifice he’s making in service of his country.

 

He was in the Coast Guard long ago when he was first out of high school. He hasn’t been military of any kind for a long time. But this teaching position was offered to him from the US Army and he is living a military base or airbase or something while he is there. He is mostly in a protected zone, but anytime you live in a war-torn country there is risk.

 

I just thought I’d drop his info out here and hope some of you would be interested.

 

He is at: Jarad Sarkisian

 

Thank you!

Thanksgiving

I am thankful for the people who love me and care about my mental and emotional health to the extent that they actively try not to hinder either one.

I am thankful for having healthy and wonderful children who are clever and mischievous and geeky and kind.

I am thankful for my husband, who has been the greatest influence and assist in getting me to be human and keeping me that way.

I am thankful, in this year that I am an orphan, for the family that I still have and the bonds that bind us.

Doing better I think

Hey folks!

My depression has been really bad for a while, as you all know. I went twice in October to see a therapist. I know I need to probably go more, but just two visits was enough to allow me to get some perspective. THANK YOU everyone who encouraged me to go!

Since I know I am depressed, I am trying to learn to put less pressure on myself. When I feel that I have a lot to accomplish, I get even more discouraged. I get overwhelmed and can’t even begin let alone finish anything. As an example, cooking dinner, I feel like if I don’t cook dinner every night, then I am a bad parent. But I am learning to think about it differently. If I don’t cook every night, I am still a good parent as long as I do something to provide dinner for my family. So, I am trying to think of it as I prefer to cook every night, but if I don’t, then I will just try harder tomorrow night.

Another thing is constantly feeling like my life and everything in it is out of my control. So I am attempting to exert control over one area that has no way of rebelling and screwing up my plans or equilibrium. I am currently reorganizing and weeding out the library. I have taken 5 boxes of books to the used bookstore. I have re-alphabetized A-G and am partway through doing H. I still have a good 4000 or so books, but I am going to keep sorting and weeding out until everything fits on the shelves I have. I do not have more space for shelves, so I have to decide which books to keep and which I can pass along. It is really helping me to be able to focus on this and do it and control it.

Anyway. I know I kind of left everything hanging last time, so this is my follow-up to say that I am feeling better. not wonderful or perfect or anything, but definitely better.

no appt today

The therapist office just called and the therapist is sick today. They rescheduled me for 12:30 next Tuesday, Oct 8.

follow up

I went to my gyno appt today. As anticipated, it sucked; but, no more than every other time I’ve been.

The doctor let me know that I was overweight, y about 60 pounds. Always a nice thing to hear. Also, my blood pressure was high. That is actually unusual. I have always had very reasonable blood pressure. 100 over 60 kind of thing. Today was 142 over 114.

He recommended that I check it several times over the next few weeks and call him if it is often high. He’ll prescribe me a pill for it if it is consistent. He offered me a pill for fat people, but insurance won’t cover it and it costs $150 per month and you have to take it for at least 6 month. So, no thank you.

My lady bits and bobs are doing fine. No new news there.

He refilled my anti-depressant. So, I won’t run out and become psycho! YAY!

Tomorrow will be the therapist. yay

Committing to blogging is still too hard.
My depression is still too deep.
My social anxiety is still too smothering.

I went to Dragon*Con, but ended up spending 75% of it in a hotel room instead of doing Con stuff. I sat through 3 or 4 entire panels. I left at least 3 part way through. And I copped out and failed to attend about 20 that I had in my planner.

Then, once the Con as over, I was sick. I had Con Crud and Laryngitis. I had to email in sick instead of going to my 3rd library work day. Then, once I was well and able to talk, I had a migraine and insomnia the night before my 4th scheduled library work day and I emailed in sick again. The 5th scheduled day, the kids had a doctor appt and I didn’t go to the library and I fell asleep and missed the kid’s appt too!

So, I had my name removed from the schedule. I was assured that I could be added back when I got myself in gear enough to actually show up.

I was supposed to go in January for my yearly gyno appt. I didn’t. I still haven’t yet. I get my anti-depressant from him and I am almost out now. He won’t refill it over the phone. So, I am forced to get my ass in and see the doctor. I finally made an appt and I am going on Monday sept 30 at 11am. At the very least, it will keep me from running out of pills. I HATE HATE HATE going to any doctor, but especially the gyno with their speculum and swabs and slides and pincers.

My state of mind since my father died has deteriorated. Since my mother died, it has gotten worse faster. I am nearly crippled with depression and anxiety. In an effort to become a functioning human again, I have scheduled an appt to see a psychologist. The appt is Tues October 1st at 11am. I am very much not looking forward to having to discuss my life and family issues with anyone. The main reason for starting this blog several years ago was so I could get my issues out of my head without having to actually talk to a therapist. I honestly feel that the first year or two of doing this helped. But the last 18 months or so in particular have not helped. I have blogged way too little for the amount of crap inside of me. The stuff isn’t getting out of my head and being set free into the mysterious near-anonymous interwebs. It is all staying cooped up inside and rotting away at my functionality. So, an actual human being is apparently the answer.

Wish me luck.

I went to work at the library at the kids’ school again on Tuesday. I was there for 2 hours, doing pretty much the same as last time. Checking out, checking in, reshelving, straightening up. It was hotter than hell in there again. I hate that part. but the library work itself is pretty cool.

Unfortunately, I had a low-grade headache all day. I took medicine for it before working, but it didn’t go away. So I took medicine for it again after working, and it still didn’t go away. Then, it spiked up really quickly and suddenly and turned into a full fledged migraine. So, I spent my evening writhing in pain, taking more pills than are good for me, and sleeping as much as I could until the pain finally backed off about 11pm.

I despise migraines. I had to take freaking nasty Emitrol to keep from puking. My pain was mainly in the front of my head and stabbing down through my face. It wasn’t dark out yet, so usually I would wear my eye mask to shield the light. However, with the pain in my face, the eye mask touched me to much and made the pain even worse. It was the more terrible migraine. I haven’t had one that was that bad in a couple of years.

ugh ugh ugh hope tomorrow is better.

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